


Empty Train Cars

by elopingsun



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 08:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8242768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elopingsun/pseuds/elopingsun
Summary: Just over a year after D.C, Steve comes home to find Bucky waiting for him.





	

It’s been six months since Steve came home to find Bucky standing in the middle of his living room. 

Bucky can usually identify his emotions these days, but a lot of the time his mind and his body don't quite sync up. Somedays it doesn’t seem to matter how hard he fights against it, years of locking any semblance of feeling so far away that he barley registered it, is a hard habit to break. 

Steve has been nothing but considerate, he hasn’t pushed for answers the way Bucky thought he would, and he wonders if maybe Steve got enough of those when he went looking for him. The Steve he remembers from so long ago had no concept of personal space, but now he makes every effort not to cross any boundaries; there is an occasional hand on Bucky’s shoulder, a brush of arms, but Steve is clearly making an effort not to do anything that will make him uncomfortable.

It doesn't seem to matter that he wakes Steve in the middle of the night with nightmares at least twice a week, despite the fact he’s been living here for half a year, Steve is always there in his doorway with a glass of water. Sometimes Bucky forgets what he’s done to deserve Steve's unending caring, only to catch Steve looking at him with sheer wonder, and to remember that, to Steve he’s come back from the dead. 

When Bucky walks into the living room, Steve is on the floor doing sit-ups with some news show playing in the background. He's clearly been going at it for awhile, he's sweating through his shirt. The sudden need crashes through Bucky in the blink of an eye; he wants to press Steve into the floor and kiss every last inch of him. 

It's one of the only times since he's come in from the cold that he’s felt something besides fear or guilt so acutely. Fear is the one emotion that has never left him. It's what's holding him back now. He's seen it in Steve's eyes, the depth of his feelings, but he's still worried he's reading it wrong. He remembers what they were to each other before all of this but he knows that making this move is something they can't go back from. He can’t bring himself to fuck up the one good thing in his life.  

"Bucky?" 

There is concern written across Steve's features as he pulls himself up and moves across the room. It’s probably because he's just standing here gaping like an idiot and usually when that happens it isn't good. When he tries to form an answer he can’t seem to find any words. 

"Buck? Are you with me?”

Steve lowers his voice when he speaks again, he's telegraphing his movements clearly and keeping just out of arms reach. Up close Bucky can see the slight flush that has bloomed across his features and it only serves to intensify the desire to reach out and touch him. Bucky flexes the fingers of his metal hand in an attempt to lessen the itch he feels crawling across his skin. 

The movement draws Steve's eyes for the completely wrong reason and Bucky can see the way his entire body tenses. He knows he needs to say something, and quickly, but he can't seem to string together a sentence. He hates that sometimes his brain doesn't seem to remember how verbal communication works. He can feel his breathing quicken as the panic starts to set it. Going for weeks being mostly non-verbal wasn't such a problem when he was on his own but it worries Steve and not being able to express himself has gotten even more frustrating as his emotions have started to resurface more and more.

"Can you nod for me if you're okay?" 

As he nods, Bucky can feel all of the anxiety that had been building, due to his inability to speak, slowly drain away. He could kiss Steve with how relieved he is. And now he's thinking about kissing Steve again. Steve, who is hovering still just out of reach, his brows creased with worry. 

"Can I kiss you?" 

They both flinch at the sound of his voice, half-strangled where he's forced the words out despite the urge not to speak. 

"Kiss me?” 

Steve’s eyes go wide as a flurry of emotions plays out across his face faster than Bucky can even begin to interpret them. He nods again as an involuntary smile tugs at the corners of his mouth when Steve starts to blush.

"Yeah, if you want to kiss me, I’d be just fine with that Bucky." 

Steve's entire posture softens as he steps closer. Bucky doesn't know how blue eyes can look so warm, but he feels like he's practically melting staring at Steve. He closes the distance between them, meeting Steve halfway, and reaches up to tangle his fingers in Steve's hair as he presses their lips together. It's too much and not enough and Steve hasn't moved at all and Bucky thinks that's probably because he doesn't want to spook him but now he's worried he's done something wrong and fucked everything up…

The stream of thoughts rattling around his brain goes quiet as Steve's hands move to gently rest on his hips, anchoring him without making him feel trapped. He can't help but grin against Steve's lips before deepening the kiss. 

Steve makes a strangled noise that Bucky can't hear so much as feel in his chest. He slides his hands down to grab Steve's ass through his sweatpants and suddenly Steve is kissing him back with everything he's got as Bucky backs him into one of the walls. 

When Bucky breaks the kiss they're both breathing hard. He buries his face in the crook of Steve's neck and tries to find the right things to say. Time stretches on and on and Steve waits, more patient that any of Bucky's memories indicate he can be, rubbing slow circles into his back reassuringly.

"You always kissed me on the train when we were alone." 

He lifts his head to look at Steve as he speaks, the words coming out more easily than he’d expected them to. Steve's expression goes from surprised to happier than Bucky has seen him this century in a matter of seconds. 

"You hated it because you were afraid we'd get caught." 

"I loved it because I loved you." Bucky pauses to take a steadying breath, "I still love you. I just don't know how to do this anymore, I barely know how to be a person."  

Steve moves his hands to cup his face, "That's okay Buck, we'll figure it out together just like we always have." 

The feeling that settles over Bucky at Steve's words isn't hard to identify at all, it's like coming home.


End file.
